That Second Skin

My husband was a bit concerned to hear Mitch's name mentioned in the house again.  We've kept that project at arm's distance during the pregnancy.  But, I assured him that I was not getting as emotionally tied up with it as I had in the past.  Our little one has taught me a lot about keeping things a bit more removed.

As writers, most I know anyway, we tend to get a bit attached and drawn into the characters we create.  We live their lives, feel their woes (and highs); we dream and hope and want as they do -- and often to the same extant.  Sometimes more.  Which is the case with Mitch and I.  I feel every ounce, every drop, every grain of her hopes, dreams, shame, and sorrow.  And she has plenty to spare.

Before we began to trying for a family, I rarely paid it any mind.  Wearing the character as my own skin was just part of the experience of being a writer.  I did not care if affected me or not.  Often, however, that closeness gave insight I never could have gotten otherwise.  It lent a volume of emotion to the work that such rose to envelope the reader at will (the reviews state this again and again).  But, it also wears down the writer.  Which I took as just part of the job.

Once we began trying for a family -- it didn't take long for us to start expecting, matter of fact, it only took once -- that second skin caused a lot of problems.  The stress Mitch felt and I lived with her wore me down and (we, docs, too, are convinced) kept us from 'expecting' more than 2 months.  Pregnancies are very touchy in the early stages.

But, this was not an immediate sign.  It took us quite a while to figure out what was going on.  And, the month I put Mitch on the shelf -- no longer on the desk at all -- we conceived our now to be little boy.  So, there is something to be said about wearing that second skin, maybe a little too long.

At one point, Mitch had me drinking a little more than normal.  I stopped writing for her before it got beyond notice (I was not drunk, on the hood of a car twirling my shirt).  To be honest, just the fact it started had me worried.  Hemingway kept coming to mind.  Great author, but at such a high price.

That was a year before we began trying for a family.  I set her aside and waited until I found another POV to write from.  A POV that was little further down her road of healing worked better.  It, also, gave her a measure of objectiveness that she had lacked.  That can make all the difference.

That experience taught me a lot about how so many writers took that downward spiral.  It is not an overnight, gone to the head kind of thing.  It is the skins we wear that change us over time.  Most of the time, we barely notice.  Sometimes it can take many, many skins building up to start the change.  Other times, it only takes one.

So, I'm very thankful for this little guy.  I am not sure I would have learned this -- at least so soon -- without him.  Stepping back from the work helps, from a few minutes to a few days (which ever it takes to clear the head and body).  But, also, consider taking time off from the characters themselves.  Too much time together strengthens that skin.  Makes one wonder if it will ever come off after the work is done.  Then again, it's not always the time, but the emotional flow to and from.

This is a part of the job few talk about.  Yet, it is always the elephant in the room.  Mind it, sometimes they go rogue.