Honest Insecurity

Years back, I once searched (and searched and searched) for another writer to let me know I was not alone in wondering if I was competent enough in writing to keep on this track.  Even after years of publishing history behind me, I wondered about this.  At times, yes, I obsessed over it.  Was I really good at what I did?  Were my stories worthy of print and readers?  That's all I ever want for them, even now.

What I found, however, was that it was a kind of taboo topic.  Apparently, to be a 'good writer' you hide this aspect of the life.  And, yes, every writer feels this at one point or another.  They just keep it hidden -- some better than others.

I bring this up, because there are new writers coming up that may be searching for the same as I once did.  Yes, the wonder/worry is there.  No, you're not alone.  Yes, you are worthy of readers.  Just stay true to yourself.

Today, I was reminded of this ever present teeter from an email with my publisher.  "...high quality material" was mentioned and I could not help but feel (after a short burst of giddiness) that maybe they had the wrong person.  Me?  Did I count among the writers they mentioned?  Really?  Did they sign me by mistake??? (HAHAHA, no, thank the gods!)  It was just that eager and ambitious novice that rattles about the bones.  They are always there, always striving to meet the next bar, and each one raised after that.

I like that novice.  They care nothing of pay.  All they want is to have an audience for the work.  That flame is pure love for the process and to see it through to a desired outcome.  When the work is finished, I let them relish in a 'great work for the ages' before I edit the hell out of it (never trust a rough draft).

The battle is won and lost in editing.  Writing what story is in you to tell, that is you -- your heart, your muse, your own self.  Hone that.  Cast off the worry about anything that may cross your mind, I know that insecurity takes many, many forms.  The story is what matters.  Write it.  Polish it -- work it out like a finely trained athlete.  It will be ready.  You already are.

So, for today, I will enjoy that lingering warmth in that novice while I work on the next set of projects.  Never rest on laurels, they are temporary.  Keep moving, keep growing, KEEP WRITING.

The work is what matters.

19 February 2012

What a three days!  The Forest Green was picked up by a publisher and we have a date for the birth of our son!

Right now, I'm still wrangling my mind around the fact he'll be here soon -- three more days.  It is so surreal . . .

So, yes, time to back things up a bit.

1.  Signed with Alfie Dog Limited three days ago.  The Forest Green is a young adult short story rooted in the paranormal.
. . . Halloween night, Jacob Strom heads out into the woods alone.  Two years later, Frank breaks curfew to search for answers about his friend's disappearance.  But, land keeps secrets -- so does its ghosts . . .

Will post direct link when it's up for download . . . (was the piece submitted on the 13th)

2.  An hour after ending my dry streak (Hell Yeah!!!) is was time for doc visits.  As over the moon as I was over being picked up by Alfie Dog, I'm simply god-smacked now.  Our family will be one member larger Wednesday!

Ha, ha, two game changers in one week.

We've celebrated both, well, publication, and still wrangling with the reality of having a family . . .

'Mitch' is still being worked on -- I'm never without a project.  And am happy to say more progress has been made in her journey.  Honestly, in an effort to keep stress to the bare minimum, I'm a little reluctant to delve too deep into the novel.  It's fraught with emotion and  pitfalls.  Any strong work will have to wait until the little guy is here (and, hopefully, napping).

On the other hand, there are a few more short stories on the way.  And maybe some reworking a novel outline.  . . . I was dared a while back to write a romance (not my forte, but not my worst either) and am still trying to iron out the plot-line for it.  It's been started, and isn't bad, but it needs more life than the traditional take allows it.  (Wicked Grin)  A few more tweaks and it could be ready to go . . .

But, first, the new pieces, 'Mitch,' and the novella (stalled, but eager).

15 February 2012

Heard back on the latest submission (sent out the rejected piece to another pub the day it was kicked back).  They returned with a revision request!  HA! HA!  Am so on over the moon right now . . .  This is a good day!  Despite the embarrassment (cringes).  Typos I should have caught are the worst -- and missing words.  Can't believe I did that, but they liked it enough to reconsider should I fix it.

I am forever grateful!

Can never proof read enough . . .

As for tonight, it's back to the novella.  Seems like a good night to work with zombies. ;)

13 February 2012

Valentine's Eve.  Husband's off to work and I'm doing what I can to further mine (this dry streak has to end some time or another, but only if I keep trying).

I found another hopeful publisher -- there's always another publisher -- for the piece kicked back tonight.  Am hoping for good news.  Though, yes, still taking the rejection as a half win.  Being commended on a piece worth reading and conveyed assurance that it would be picked up soon from another pub is a good thing.

So, cheers to the piece! May it find a home soon.


P.S.  Allow for the little pleasures/at-a-boys.  They're what can keep you going when you begin to wonder.

Never doubt yourself, though.  You write because it's what you do.  No one can take that away.

Submission Update: 11 Dec. 2011

Heard back from the charity anthology.  Another no.  Which then brought the response of, "I'd like to know why you're in such a dry streak lately," from my husband.  Never before have I ever gone so long without any takers.  Usually, one, maybe two subs and I'm off and running.

I almost agree with him.  I wonder, but don't really want to know a reason.  Streaks come and go with no rhyme or reason.  Will be happy when it ends, though.  That, I promise! Ha ha ha.

For now, I'll keep plugging away and writing for my tastes -- no one else's.  Think I have been putting things in for the pub more than I'd like to admit to myself right now.  Time I threw that out the window and wrote solely for me.  It's the one selfish act of writing.  It is, also, what pays off.  Writing for yourself allows you to pour yourself into the work.  That energy and feeling breathes life into the page.

This is something I think I am forgetting with prompt driven projects.  I need to work harder to correct that.

Upside: The pub was enthusiastic (by email) that the piece was a good read.  But, failed due to limited space.  At least they enjoyed looking it over!

05 February 2012

Well, news is news I guess.  Lol.  We are now on baby watch.  The little one is expected anytime in the next few weeks -- a little early, but still in good time.

So, work is on hold until up is no longer down.