Honest Insecurity

Years back, I once searched (and searched and searched) for another writer to let me know I was not alone in wondering if I was competent enough in writing to keep on this track.  Even after years of publishing history behind me, I wondered about this.  At times, yes, I obsessed over it.  Was I really good at what I did?  Were my stories worthy of print and readers?  That's all I ever want for them, even now.

What I found, however, was that it was a kind of taboo topic.  Apparently, to be a 'good writer' you hide this aspect of the life.  And, yes, every writer feels this at one point or another.  They just keep it hidden -- some better than others.

I bring this up, because there are new writers coming up that may be searching for the same as I once did.  Yes, the wonder/worry is there.  No, you're not alone.  Yes, you are worthy of readers.  Just stay true to yourself.

Today, I was reminded of this ever present teeter from an email with my publisher.  "...high quality material" was mentioned and I could not help but feel (after a short burst of giddiness) that maybe they had the wrong person.  Me?  Did I count among the writers they mentioned?  Really?  Did they sign me by mistake??? (HAHAHA, no, thank the gods!)  It was just that eager and ambitious novice that rattles about the bones.  They are always there, always striving to meet the next bar, and each one raised after that.

I like that novice.  They care nothing of pay.  All they want is to have an audience for the work.  That flame is pure love for the process and to see it through to a desired outcome.  When the work is finished, I let them relish in a 'great work for the ages' before I edit the hell out of it (never trust a rough draft).

The battle is won and lost in editing.  Writing what story is in you to tell, that is you -- your heart, your muse, your own self.  Hone that.  Cast off the worry about anything that may cross your mind, I know that insecurity takes many, many forms.  The story is what matters.  Write it.  Polish it -- work it out like a finely trained athlete.  It will be ready.  You already are.

So, for today, I will enjoy that lingering warmth in that novice while I work on the next set of projects.  Never rest on laurels, they are temporary.  Keep moving, keep growing, KEEP WRITING.

The work is what matters.